


25 Lives

by Jenifer_Hawke



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 16:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17605040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenifer_Hawke/pseuds/Jenifer_Hawke
Summary: Catra remembers all the lives she has spent with Adora. The good, the bad. However, she is the only one who remembers their past lives. How they loved each other, how they hurt each other. She pours her heart on letters and expresses the feelings she was never allow to confess due to insecurities, status or because death cut their time short.





	25 Lives

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first tongue. I'm pretty sure this is filled with grammatical mistakes, but if you are willing to slide that off. Welcome!
> 
> This was highly inspired by the poem 25 Lives of Tongari. The poem is written in italic in this fanfic. Additionally, I was also inspired by the amazing art work of Gabs. Gabs created an amazing Clexa comic with this poem and I was completely stunned. You can check it here. Gabs Art

_The very first time I remember you, you are blonde and don’t love me back._

Every servant was working twice as hard for the celebration. The cooking ladies had been working day and night to make a feast in your honor, worth of your party. All to celebrate your 18 birthday. Every little thing had to be perfect, according to plan. Thousands were going to be visiting the castle, I remember the royalty, chatting and dancing in the ballroom, enjoying the live music and the food, everything that's meant for people of your status. Me, however, I'm was not part of your world.

You looked astonish in your white dress, tailor-made. Your blond hair captivated me in every sense. I was the first one to look at you in that beautiful attire. Of course I was. I helped you get into it. My job as your maid allow me to be closer to you. Much closer than many. I learned a lot about. How you liked your tea, 2 little spoons of sugar, your favorite pastry, your favorite book, your favorite flower, I knew it all. That's also why I can see right through you, every time you are on the ballroom, every day you had to attend an important dinner, you always wear a mask. A mask of pleasantries and lies. I understand, everyone has a part to play.

In this life, you never looked my way. We were part of worlds completely different. Now that I think about, I think that in one way or another, we have always been Star-crossed lovers, Adora.

 

_The next time you are brunette, and you do._

I saw you walking down the street in one of my many travels and...my heart stopped. Things I thought were dreams, images that I could barely grasp finally became vivid. For a second, I could not recognized you, my mind could not comprehend so much information at once. However, I did notice that you were a brunette, I had never seen your hair like that, as always you looked god-sent.

You stooped in a shop, to grab some pastries, you picked the one I remember as your favorite. That's when I realized that some things did not change. Your favorite pastry was still the same and my heart still beat like crazy when I was around you. That's when I took a chance, I approached you, nervous, I wondered if you noticed.

Every day since, I started going to the same shop hoping to see you there. Waiting, actually. Many years later when I finally said what I could not bear to speak on my past life, the three words 'I love you', you confessed that you did not frequent that shop, but that you started going there because somehow you felt drawn to me. It seems like I was always waiting for our lives to catch up.

In this life, we shared our first kiss, our first I love you's and our firsts everything.

 

_After a while I give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything._

You were blonde again and you loved me back. You were stubborn and rightful as always and for the first time in our lives together, you approached me first. I had finally finished my training as a knight, I never really care about what the job implied, rightfulness, loyalty, they were not exactly my passion. The paid was not exactly good, but it was much better than what I had. I was almost begging for a piece of bread. You on the contrary, had riches, does that sound familiar?

I was hired by Queen Angella to be part of the many soldiers she had at her command. You were a princess, well, more like a refugee in this specific scenario. War had issue in the kingdoms and you were forced to flee your land.

We met in the middle of a battle, you were galloping in your horse trying to save as many of your people as you could, the battle was lost, but you could still save some of the wounded. And sadly, in this pathetic case, I was one of the wounded. You transferred me to the closest infirmary, it was a poor made tent, but it was everything we had. Medicine was lacking, every trail of food had vanish from sight 2 days ago. You saved my life that day and the most important thing, you dealt with a wounded, winy me. I admire your guts or maybe your stubbornness.

After that you requested me as your personal knight in the domains of Queen Angella. And oh, you took revenge on the winy me that was so stubborn the first time we met. You were requesting, no, demanding things as if I was your personal maid, not a knight in charge of taking care of you. When I finally mentioned what was in my mind, because of course, this was not our first live anymore, I had worked hard to become a knight, you simply said 'Since the first time we met, I have been the one who has been taking care of you, don't you agree?'. You drove me crazy with your haughtiness and arrogance.

Lord save me. I had fallen in love with you again. We were always driving each other crazy, getting into many fights, but I loved every second of it. And I learned that you thought the same. I think we were too stubborn for our own goods, but it seems like we never learned our lesson.

In this life, I died in your arms, the war was finally over, but we had lost many. A had a wound that could not be healed, a wound that I had taken for you. The world was giving a few more seconds of light when you kissed me. In your final kiss I could understand that you loved me back and I'm really sorry for leaving like that.

 

_because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you._

This is the first time I'm writing about the times we never met, because you or I did not exist. Believe, they are not really worth telling. Once I found myself searching for a book when in the corner section of 'Classic Literature', I found it, I found your favorite book and I could remember how much I loved you. In this life, I noticed that I am always in love with you.

 

_I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,_

_when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me._

_I love how you play along with my bad ideas,_

_before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas._

How naïve and innocent. When we found ourselves trapped in that cheap simulator of the Fright Zone, I was almost scared to see what had happened to us. I was such a cry baby back then, always getting into fights that I could never win and dragging you along. I hold those memories close to my heart, but I could never confess that. Not that in that life.

I became torn. I thought that enduring the horrible treatments of Shadow Weaver will at least allow me to obtain what I wanted. A life I could enjoy you and to have you by my side. But none of that came true, you flew away with your princess friends and left me behind.

I was hurt. Truly hurt. I did not know how to deal with all. It looks like I was never good with dealing with royalty, with you as a princess. With you as She-ra. Not in this life and not in the past ones.

In this life, I did not listen to the dreams that told me that we could be together, that we had been together and I almost regret it. 

 

_(And in our times together I have many bad ideas.)_

I left you to die. You were hanging, searching for my arm to aid you to get back to land. And I could only imagined a world where you did not exist and where everything could have been my way. I had forgotten that I truly hated when you were not by my side.

 

_When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you._

_Yet, always, you forgive me._

You hit on the spot. I will do anything to survive. You can see right through me. I understand why you would be discerning, weary of my every move, but yet you are still a kind soul. Adora, always rightful and eager to help. Sometimes I truly hate that about you.

You offered me shelter and food when you saw me wandering the woods without a clue where to head. I was separated from my team when a horde of zombies ambush us. We all fled in different directions and I got lost. 

If the offered came from anyone else, I would have rejected your help in a heartbeat. No one is that kind, not in this horrendous times. Every good soul had passed away. Only the worst of the worst survived. But there you were, sword in hand, fighting rotten creatures and looking simply astonish.

In this life, I finally told you that you look damn hot with a sword.

 

_As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for_

_all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist,_

_and the ones where we just, barely, never meet._

You forgave my worst deeds. Those in which the weight of our past lives just torn me into pieces. Sometimes I wondered if you may have remember to.

I remember when I was a chef. Shocking but I truly enjoyed it. Entrapta and Scorpia, were my right hands and everything was perfect. Until we were hired to make a feast for a wedding, they pay was going to be huge, we had to make 2000 meals because the bride was so popular and had invited every 'close' friend.

The day came, I only knew we were making dinner for a wedding, I did now know for whose wedding. Until I saw you. Radiant on a white dress. By your side the man you considered the love of your life. That's when you looked at me. We looked at each other for a long time. I thought that maybe you had remember, not everything, but something. You were called by a friends and our moment was over. I could never shattered what you and your future husband had. So I prepared everything for the feast, went home and drank wine until 3 am.

In this life, you married the love of your life and it was not me.

 

_I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me._

Blood was pouring from the wound on my stomach. Your sword had penetrated the skin and made a hole. Please be aware that I would rather choose worlds where you hate me and kill me, than those where we do not get to meet.

In this life you killed me and I was perfectly fine with it.

 

_But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways._

_Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder_

_is this the last time?_

I know we already talked about it, but I will always remember this life fondly. We were dancing while my friends were working on ruining the beautiful party that was created in honor of all the princesses. 

In this life, I finally got the chance to dance with you and I truly had a blast. My soul felt like it was the dance I longed for in our first life. A dance we never got due to status and insecurities. I kind of ruined this dance by kidnapping your friend, but that's a story for another time.

 

_Is that really you?_

_And what if you’re perfectly happy_

_without me?_

Your hair was black and I was not exactly use to see you like that. You were purchasing movie tickets and I was handing you the combo of popcorns and sodas you had requested. You and your…girlfriend were loud and it was not the environment that I was expecting in a movie theater at 12 PM. Who the hell will go to the movies at that ungodly hour. I am barely awake at 5 PM.

In that life, I was just another server that you did not remember the following day. You were perfectly happy without me. In that life, you were happy with that pink hair girl grabbing you by the arm.

 

_Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair_

_that I should be the one_

_to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes_

_until I find the one where you’ll return to me._

You are requesting answers. I understand. I was the same. In our first lives together, our past lives seemed like a blur, a dream.

I finally got an answer. It looks like you do remember, Adora. Not everything, but something. I am writing this, hoping I can explain but it really is impossible. Just be sure that I will always love you, in this life and all the future ones I'm allow to spend with you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading until the end. This is my first fanfic in english and my first fanfic for the Catradora fandom. I hope you liked it. I was trying to write something after 3 years without even attempting to write a simple draft and well, here we are.


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